Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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