Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
don't judge my taste in strippers
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
