I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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