a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
