kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
