He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
