I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
