My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
sarcasm needs its own font
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
