I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
