I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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