didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
