i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
