I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
