I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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