Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
