bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
