Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
