I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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