OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
