I cut my penus on the lid.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
