hell yes lets make some ravioli
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
