____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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