I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
