there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
