Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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