matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
