he wants to bone in the snuggie
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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