so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
