I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
