Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
