I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
