You don't have asthma, your pregnant
literally had 100 drinks last night.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
