I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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