omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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