Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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