My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just gargled with NyQuil
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
