I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
