Tell her she can't have a vagina
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
