That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
