Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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