I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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