my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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