I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
