You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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