What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
