you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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