I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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