You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
