Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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