I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
that may or may not have been my penis.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
