Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
