Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
