i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
