did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
where am i from again
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
