On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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