the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
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Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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