Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
