The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
