Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
