so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
