Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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