I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
