dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
