she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
