How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
