Just took my morning after pill in the library
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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