We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
