What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
