smell my finger.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
