strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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