put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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