It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
