And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
