you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
