I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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