Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
