I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
