I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
